Mother's Day Musings

Most mothers feel accountable to God.  But with adoptive mothers like me, there is a woman on this earth, one that I see face to face, that sacrificed everything so I could have the privilege of raising our son.  So what happens when you fall short, because you will.  What happens when you struggle?  What happens during difficult times when depressions starts to creep in and you think how selfish of me to look to bring happiness into my life in any other way but motherhood?  This brings the famous “mom guilt” to a whole new level, at least it does for me anyway. 

I know how dang lucky I am to be a mother.  It is a privilege denied to many and during the 7 ½ years of trying to grow our family I got a glimpse of what my life would have looked like.  I pleaded for years with God to make me a mother, knowing it would come at the greatest sacrifice of another.  I promised myself all of my struggles with depression and anxiety would be miraculously evaporate with the gift of motherhood.  Our infertility became the scapegoat for my struggles.  After my son was born and over the years and ups and downs of life I have learned that this was just another naïve expectation I had for my life.   Yes the joy and fulfillment that comes from being a mother to my beautiful son has made me whole in so many ways, but for better or for worse my anxiety will always be there and when things get really hard I have to keep a close eye on the depression to make sure it doesn’t run away with me too.

Working in fitness I have learned that loosing a bunch of weight and transforming one’s body is not enough to fix any self-esteem problems that you bring along for the ride.  Your relationship with yourself has very little to do with how you look.  Can changing your lifestyle to begin making yourself and your health a priority make changes in your self-esteem?  Absolutely.  But only if you are working on YOU.  And I mean the real you here.  What you see in the mirror is a representation of you, but it is not who you are.  We are talking about your soul.

I have learned it is unfair for me to put the responsibility of my happiness on the shoulders of my precious son.  His existence in my life will not magically fix all of my struggles.  Those are on me.  I am responsible for creating my own happiness so I can share it with my son, and so I can fully experience and enjoy the light that he brings into my life every day.  And probably most importantly, so he can learn to do this for himself.  I am responsible to feed my soul in the ways it needs.  My struggles exist because I am a human being: a flawed, broken woman who is a good mother who loves her son more than I even knew was possible.

I have learned that maybe being an imperfect parent is actually more helpful to your child than being cookie cutter perfect.  Self-justification?  Maybe.  But let’s face it, when your children continue the circle of life and hopefully become parents themselves they will not be perfect either.  Our kids need to learn how to be a great parent when they are NOT perfect.  How to keep your heart open and when it is broken.  How to smile through the tears.  How to dust yourself off when you fall and to never give up.  

If we are lucky enough, these are the essential lessons we learn through watching our own good parents.  I have incredible parents but some of the big lessons I learned from my parents were in the form of what NOT to do, but that made the lesson more memorable for me.  The lesson came to me in the way I needed to hear it.  God has a way of letting good come from our weaknesses or mistakes.  He is pretty incredible that way.  I find that most of the lessons I learn in life always come back to the incredible power and love of God.  He can make the most dark and impossible situation rise from the ashes, not despite the darkness but the beauty shines through it until the suffocating darkness you were lost in becomes a mere shadow in a painting that creates perspective. 

As mothers, let us stop focusing on the ashes of our weaknesses or mistakes but instead stand in awe at the phoenix that we are slowly becoming through God’s love and grace.  

And take comfort in the the unfinished art piece we are along the way.  God knows what He is doing with us.  God always knows.

Daughter of a King

I am here to talk to you about beauty.

What’s the first thing that comes into your mind when I say “beauty?”

I’m a trainer and gym owner and really came to it by accident really.  I had never even been to a gym before my husband and I purchased our first one way back in 2007.

I quickly had to learn the tricks of the trade.  My first certification was in yoga, but I have since completed I think 12 certifications over the years in everything from Pump, to Combat to Cycling and everything in between.

Jumping into the fitness scene as I did, I think it has given me a unique window into the “why” of fitness but also into many of the “why-not’s.”  Training clients can be very interesting because most people come to you because of something they do not like about themselves.  Something they want you to change.  Something they want you to fix.

I spent 6 years working with the Young Women when I lived in Nephi both in my ward and in my stake.  And I noticed that the physical characteristics that set them apart, were typically the ones they wanted to change.  Humans are funny because we are all born unique, but we all have this weird desire to blend in.  To be just like every body else. 

But you know, after working with so many people I have learned that most women do not like the way they look.  It’s pretty true across the board.  It doesn’t seem to matter what body type they have… I have learned that the way people feel about themselves has very little to do with how their body actually looks.  The big lie that is typically perpetuated through the fitness industry as a whole is that your value as a woman is determined by your pant size or the number you see on your scale.

Now in our heads, we know this is simply not true.  We have all been taught who we are and whose we are right?  Walk Tall You’re a Daughter of God.  Be Still and know I am God.  I have imprinted you on the Palms of my Hands.  These things are real.  These things are true.  So why do we always feel the pull towards the need to fit into such a limited and shallow little box?

The truth is Satan has been at war with women from the beginning with Mother Eve.  The truth is that Satan is terrified of strong women.  Strong women who know who they are, who are not ashamed of their strength, who can fully embrace her own unique beauty.  These are women who can and do change the world.

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant

Gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of GOD

Your playing small does not serve the world

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people

Won’t feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others

Permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear

Our presence automatically liberates others”

How many of us can look at our own reflection and can allow ourselves to think kind things about ourselves?  Or, how many of us zone into our perceived flaws?  Now I say “perceived” because I don’t believe any of us are truly honest with ourselves.  I mean, if we are gonna lie to ourselves, why don’t we at least tell ourselves kind lies?  Why do we literally train our brain to take the negative line on all things about ourselves?  What message does that send to our subconscious?  What message does that send to our friends?  What message does that send to our God who created us?

 

I read a book about a man and his near death experience.  When he came back he soon found himself in the middle of WW II patching up the poor men taken off the battlefield.  Whenever he lost someone, he found himself jealous.  He so desperately wanted to go home.  To be with his Savior.  One day, he met a man in recovery that he continually found himself drawn to and he couldn’t figure out why.  He also noticed that this man had the same affect on nearly everyone else too.  He like the way he felt around this man and even said he looked familiar to him, although he couldn’t pin-point why.  And then one day, he realized.  This man reminded him of his Savior in the love he felt from him and even the light shining from his eyes. He then realized he did not need to return to heaven to see his Savior again.  He could find Him in the eyes of those who had truly accepted Him, who had allowed their Savior to become a part of themselves.  And he realized he wanted to become one of those people.

Have you received His image in your countenance?

Does the light of Christ shine in your eyes?

Will He know you when He comes again because you will be like Him?

When He sees you, will the Father know His child?

What is a better definition of beauty than that?

What is the difference between Self-Esteem and Self-Worth?

Have you ever noticed how obsessed we are with contests?  With winning?  With comparisons?

That is Self-Esteem.  That is how the world determines your “value.”  What can you do for it?  It is a flawed system.  You have to “esteem” yourself and see how you measure up to others.  The problem with this is there will always be people above and below you on this scale.  You will never measure up.  You will never be enough.  You will always be chasing a shadow.   Pursuing things that will never fill you.

So what is Self-Worth?  Self-worth is understanding and acknowledging your value as a child of God.  Sheri Dew said, “None of us come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us.”  You were born with it and you will leave this world with it and there is nothing you can do that can change it.  You can make all the mistakes in the world and it will not change your value the slightest bit.  Your choices will have a lot to do with the joy you feel in this life and in the next, but you cannot change your value.  It is who you are.  It is intrinsic.  Have you ever heard the quote, God doesn’t want anything from you, he just wants YOU.  He wants us to honor ourselves to stay true to our Divine Nature enough to feel the fullest joy in who we are and to allow us to return home to Him.

President Uchdorf recently gave a talk geared towards teens where he asked if we honestly believed God cared about how many likes we had on our Facebook page?  Our value is so much infinitely greater than that.

Now do not mistake me by thinking I am advocating a lifetime of mistreatment of our bodies simply because we don’t care about what size pants we are wearing anymore.

Earlier I said I have noticed that a woman’s opinion of herself seemed to have little to do with what her body looked like but rather, the way she took care of and honored herself.

I am a firm believer that ALL women should strength train with weights.  There are so many cardio options and I will always be a big advocate for yoga.  As you build up your body you will be amazed at how much you are empowered in ALL other aspects of your life.  It is amazing how a well balanced, challenging exercise program gives you the daily reminder that you are stronger than you think you are.  You can succeed in hard things.  You are a work in progress, and that’s OK.  You do have the power to live your life how you choose.  Daily exercise is one of the BEST ways to beat back that victim mind-set and unlock the power within you so YOU can see it, feel it and use it as you lift up others around you.   As you strengthen your body you will strengthen your spirit.  They are eternally connected.  The body and the spirit are the soul of man and it is essential to protect and care for both.  It is easy to take for granted the incredible gift our bodies are.  Making our physical health a priority is how we show our gratitude to our Father in Heaven for that gift.   

It’s not about weight.  It’s not about looking like the photo-shopped pictures we are constantly bombarded with.  It’s not about having the whitest teeth, the smoothest skin, or the best body.  If you are diligent in taking care of your body, YOUR perfect body will reveal itself.  But here’s the catch: It will always be changing.  Evolving.  Embrace that.  Celebrate the story your body tells.  The journey you take with your body should not be about perfection.  It’s about freedom.  It’s about independence.  It’s about valuing individual worth and divine nature.  It’s about embracing our eternal future.  It’s about being a light to our families, our friends and our communities.  It’s about living with purpose, on purpose.

 

So why is it so important to really, truly understand who you are?

I can promise you that your life will most likely unfold quite differently than you expect.  Out of my group of high school friends, all active in the church throughout high school, we are all in very different places now.  We have been given many different roads to walk and I can promise you life is not a journey to take alone.

           

Maybe your marriage will hold unforeseen challenges.  Maybe you won’t get married.  Maybe you or someone you love will struggle with addiction.  Maybe you will learn that tomorrows are never guaranteed.  Maybe you will experience a struggle of testimony.  Maybe anxiety or depression will make you feel hopeless.  Maybe you will be the mother of a child with disabilities.  Maybe you will never be a mother at all.  Life is not for the faint of heart.  But I promise that life is also glorious, beautiful, and surprising in it’s goodness.  I promise that the beauty will drown out the sorrow if you keep your face towards the sun.  You are women.  You are soldiers.  You are daughters of God.  And you were created with the strength to shine through the storms that will blow around you, for they will blow. But they cannot touch you if you know who you are.

You are beautiful.  Understand your self-worth and do not be ashamed of it.  Life is not a competition to look the same.  Use your knowledge of yourself to lift up others.  Empower them.  Inspire them.  It will come naturally because you are women.  The errand of angels is given to women.  We find joy in the service of others.  Accept your value as a daughter of God.  Embrace your true beauty.  Discover all that you are and be amazed at who you become.  

For you are a daughter of a King.

You Are Beautiful

When I was 24 we bought a small gym in a small town that was on the brink of going out of business.  Josh had a Bachelor's degree in Exercise Science and had always wanted his own business so we took the jump.  The first month this “breaking even business” lost us almost $4,000.  I quit my job as a kitchen designer and took on the gym full time.  

I had no previous experience or training in business and had never been to a gym before buying this one.  To say I felt I was in over my head is an understatement.  On top of this, the year leading up to this huge decision was rather challenging for me and I was going into this already feeling rather raw and beaten down from life.

But, as often happens, my challenge became a great gift to me.  I threw myself into this crazy big thing and started to learn about the world of fitness.  My first certification was yoga, but I have since certified as a Personal Trainer, a Senior Fitness Trainer, I have certified in 6 different Les Mills certifications and more.  I can confidently teach everything from Pump, to Combat to Cycling and many things in between.  I have worked with a significantly diverse group of clients and continue to learn so much from them.  We sold our original gym in 2013 and bought a building in Saratoga Springs where we ran a Group Fitness studio for a couple years and are now focusing solely on Personal Training.

Jumping into the fitness scene as I did, I think it has given me a unique window into the “why” of fitness but also many of the “why-not’s.”  Training clients can be very interesting because most people come to you because of something they do not like about themselves.  Something they want you to change.  Something they want you to fix.

After working with so many people I have learned that most women do not like the way they look.  It’s pretty true across the board.  It doesn’t seem to matter what body type they have...  I have learned that the way people feel about themselves has very little to do with with how their body actually looks.   

The big lie that is typically perpetuated through the fitness industry as a whole is that your value as a woman is determined by your pant size or your number on the scale.

Now in our heads, we know this is simply not true.  We have all been taught who we are and whose we are right?  Walk Tall You’re a Daughter of God.  Be Still and know I am God.  I have imprinted you on the Palms of my Hands.  These things are real.  These things are true.  So why do we always feel the pull towards the need to fit into such a limited and shallow little box?

The truth is Satan has been at war with women from the beginning with Mother Eve.  The truth is that Satan is terrified of strong women.  Strong women who know who they are, who are not ashamed of their strength, who can fully embrace her own unique beauty.  These are women who can and do change the world.

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of GOD

Your playing small does not serve the World

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people

Won’t feel insecure around you

We are all meant to shine, as children do

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others

permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear

Our presence automatically liberates others”

How many of us can look at our own reflection and can easily think kind things about ourselves?  Or, how many of us zone into our perceived flaws?  Now I say “perceived” because I don’t believe any of us are truly honest with ourselves.  I mean, if  we are gonna lie to ourselves, why don’t we at least tell ourselves kind lies?  Why do we literally train our brain to take the negative line on all things about ourselves?  What message does that send to our subconscious (which is uber powerful)?  What message does that send to our husband?  What message does that send to our children?  How many times have you said something negative about your body in front of your kids?  What message does that send to our God who created us?

 

I read a book about a man and his near death experience.  When he came back he soon found himself in the middle of World War II patching up the poor men taken off the battlefield.  Whenever he lost someone, he found himself jealous.  He so desperately wanted to go home.  To be with his Savior.  One day, he met a man in recovery that he continually found himself drawn to and he couldn’t figure out why.  He also noticed that this man had the same affect on nearly everyone else too.  He liked the way he felt around this man and even said he looked familiar to him, although he couldn’t pin-point why.  And then one day, he realized.  This man reminded him of his Savior in he love he felt from him and even the light shining from his eyes.  He then realized he did not need to return to heaven to see his Savior again.  That he could find him in the eyes of those who had truly accepted Him, who had allowed their Savior to become a part of themselves.  And he realized he wanted to become one of those people.

Have you received His image in your countenance? 

 Does the light of Christ shine in your eyes?

Will He know you when He comes again because you will be like Him?

When He sees you, will the Father know His child?

What is a better definition of beauty than that?

What is the difference between Self-Esteem and Self-Worth?

Have you ever noticed how obsessed we are with contests?  With winning?  With comparisons?

That is Self-Esteem.  That is how the world determines your “value.”  What can you do for it?  It is a flawed system.  You have to “esteem” yourself and see how you measure up to others.  The problem with this is there will always be people above and below you on this scale.  You will never measure up.  You will never be enough.  You will always be chasing a shadow.  Pursuing things that will never fill you.

So what is Self-Worth?  The exact opposite.  Self-worth is understanding and acknowledging your value as a child of God.  Sheri Dew said, “None of us come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us.”    You were born with it and you will leave this world with it and there is nothing you can do that can change it.  You can be the biggest bone head in the world and it will not change your value the slightest bit.  Your choices will have a lot to do with the joy you feel in this life and in the next, but you cannot change your VALUE.  It is who you are.  It is intrinsic.  Have you ever heard the quote, God doesn’t want anything FROM you, He just wants YOU.  He wants us to honor ourselves to stay true to our Divine Nature enough to feel the joy in who we are and to allow us to return home to Him.

President Uchdorf recently gave a talk geared towards teens where he asked if we honestly believed God cared about how many likes we had on our Facebook page?  Well, do you honestly believe God cares about what number you see on your scale?  Do you really think he sees your crows feet and gray hairs as ugly or undesirable?

Here is another favorite quote of mine:

I love getting older

My understanding deepens

I can see what connects

I can weave stories of experience and apply them

I can integrate the lessons

Things simply become more and more fascinating

Beauty reveals itself in thousands of forms within me

Now do not mistake me by thinking I am advocating a lifetime of mistreatment of our bodies simply because we don’t care about what size pants we are wearing anymore.

Earlier I said I have noticed that a woman’s opinion of herself seemed to have little to do with what her body looked like but rather, the way she took care of and honored herself.

I am a firm believer that ALL women should strength train with weights.  There are so many cardio options and I will always be a big advocate for yoga.  As you build up your body you will be amazed at how much you are empowered in ALL other aspects of your life.  It is amazing how a well balanced, challenging exercise program gives you the daily reminder that you are stronger than you think you are.  You can succeed in hard things.  You are a work in progress, and that’s ok.  You do have the power to live your life how you choose.  Daily exercise is one of the BEST ways to beat back that victim mind-set and unlock the power within you so YOU can see it, feel it and use it as you lift up others around you.  As you strengthen your body you will strengthen your spirit.  They are eternally connected.  The body and the spirit are the soul of man and it is essential to protect and care for both. It is easy to take for granted the incredible gift our bodies are.  I mean, can you remember NOT having one?  Making our physical health a priority is how we show our gratitude to our Father in Heaven for that gift.

It’s not about weight.  It’s not about looking like the photo-shopped pictures we are constantly bombarded with.  It’s not about having the the whitest teeth, the smoothest skin, or the perkiest boobs.  If you are diligent in taking care of your body, YOUR perfect body will reveal itself.  But here’s the catch: It will always be changing.  Evolving.  Embrace that.  Celebrate the story your body tells.  The journey you take with your body should not be about perfection.  It’s about freedom.  It’s about independence.  It’s about valuing individual worth and divine nature.  It’s about embracing our eternal future.  It’s about being a light to our families, our friends and our communities.  It’s about living with purpose, on purpose.

You are beautiful.  Understand your self-worth and do not be ashamed of it.  Life is not a competition to look the same.  Use your knowledge of yourself it to lift up others.  Empower them.  Inspire them.  It will come to you naturally because you are women.  The errand of angels is given to women.  We find joy in the service of others.  Accept your value as a daughter of God.  Embrace your true beauty.  Discover all that you are and will become.  And go change your world.